Understanding Yourself and others

Everything that we perceive is nothing more than the one, everyone perceives the one in different ways no one sees the same situation in the same way.
Do not judge others because their perception is different from yours for that is their nature and is based upon their experiences.
Every word that is written will be perceived in a different way some will like it some will hate it and some will be at every point in between these 2 extremes.
For these reasons you should never judge yourself because the parameters are always skewed, you are not this, you are not that, what you forget is what you are!
Stillness in thought and action is the only pathway forward, do not try to double guess your options do what you believe is right this is the only pathway to success for you will never be all things to all men. Always work from a position of integrity that is your right and no one can take this away from you.

You already are perfect, once you realise this you cease to struggle trying to improve perfection, for this is like trying to gild the lily to make it more perfect.
Your view point is only valid for you because this is based upon all of your experiences, some people may be able to understand this view point but only if their experiences have been similar. So why get sad when you are misunderstood, this is the problem with communication, one is always talking from their perception of a situation, so if you want to be understood firstly you have to understand the perceptions of the person you are communicating with.
You will always find at times that people will get upset at what you are saying that is because you have phrased it in such a way that you understand but from their perception means exactly the opposite.

The biggest problem with the written word or verbal communication is that it comes from the mind and as such is always scanned by the ego before anything is said and written and as such is always designed to impress the listener or the reader, yet until we learn as a species to communicate totally on an emotional level we will always create conflict in our lives. The answer to this conundrum is to speak or write in such a way as to stop the ego or your own sense of self worth getting in the way, never judge what you are saying don't try to say the right thing, for it is only then that you are truly communicating.

When listening do not listen to the words that are said, listen to what is trying to be communicated for there will always be a sub-message to what is being said. See what resonates with you as the true meaning. However communication is about understanding so there will always be times in your life when you are trying to communicate with someone whose terms of reference are so different to your that you will have to understand where they are coming from first before you can talk in terms that they will understand. To do this you must rather than be confrontational you must find areas of agreement and understanding.

There will also be times when that area of understanding is so different that the only course of action is to separate yourself from this person.

OK on to this conundrum and how to square this circle “you are responsible for everything that happens to you” and “no matter how hard you try you cannot control anything”
In essence all of us try to control our lives we try and control what others think of us, we control our environments. Yet we are always failing, the more we perceive that we are in control the unhappier we become as the only way to be truly in control would be to live in a bubble isolated from the environment and others. True control and becoming responsible for everything that happens to you is achieved through flexibility it comes from understanding that everything is in a state of flux and is forever shifting. Once you start to understand this you start to respond to those shifts and change yourself according to the environment around you at that moment in time. You become like a wave on a long sandy beach moulding and moving yourself around the barriers in your way. That my friend is true control and responsibility for you actions.

Always

Peter Dolding